I’ve been meaning to write this for some time now. I will try to be brief and to the point.

When I was 18, The Secret came to me. I had been looking at the book a lot at a bookstore, and my younger brother bought it for me, randomly. We didn’t even know what the book was about; I was just curious and intrigued by it.

At that time, I was living in a very tough situation emotionally, financially, etc. I can say that my mother, the only parent I have, who is alive, constantly complained of a lack of money. From my father’s passing and my mother’s mental instability, I garnered a deep instability in life. But I always remained optimistic and held a deep love and respect for life and existence.

However, coming across “The Secret,” I knew I had found the meaning of life – “to create my life.” I avidly believed in The Secret. I remember I used to envision myself living in an apartment, going to college, having a lot of money, riding around in a Mercedes, being at total peace with myself, and following my dreams. Sometimes, I envisioned my soulmate, with strong arms holding me from behind as I slept, a man who loved me no matter what and understood me better than I did. I envisioned specific details about my apartment: in a tall, contemporary building where one wall was floor-to-ceiling windows.

I can tell you that as a teenager with a lot of passion, sometimes when I tried to visualize my life, I did it with a lot of zeal, too much zeal. It took me a while to find a mental “balance” and be at peace with myself. And constantly, I found myself back into a state of wanting. Time passed, and I grew into a beautiful person. I began appreciating life from the deepest part of my heart. Life was truly beautiful, truly heaven. Everything about it, the pain and the happiness. I honestly fell in love with life, and I loved living it.

Then, one day, I realized that it was four years later. I had found my soulmate and traveled the world. I took yearly vacations to the Caribbean. I was living in a luxury apartment building with floor-to-ceiling windows and riding around in a Mercedes. I had everything I asked for.

I am honestly very wealthy and financially stable. I do not lack things in any area. I mean, I live with my handsome soulmate, travel to places at whim, stay at 5-star hotels, have an expensive wardrobe, have enough money to eat whatever I want and live in one of the most expensive luxury apartment buildings in my city. Materialistically, I have no wants. I have everything anyone can need and much more than people my age can ask for.

On top of that, I have a wonderful life partner. I refuse to call him my “boyfriend” because he means much more to me than my boyfriend. He is truly my soulmate, and we have been together for two years. He gave my life a new meaning, and I am madly in love with him.

I want to say I never imagined I could be living this life, but I did imagine it. And I did believe in it. But it still shocks and astounds me. It is very eerie in the best way possible. But to be honest, everything happened without me even realizing it. Sure, I went through a lot of obstacles. There were times when I would sit in the shower, crying for two hours because I was so emotionally drained by my mother. But at night, I remember, I would stay up and feel so much love and gratitude for every single thing that I could think of.

If I could just say one thing that I have learned, it is this: “Let yourself be happy.” Even after I met my soulmate and got whatever materialistic thing I ever desired, I fought against my happiness for a very long time. I actually went to therapy because at one point, I thought I was losing my mind. I was constantly angry and having panic attacks. My relationships were driving me crazy and I was driving people crazy. I learned that I was afraid of being happy because I was afraid of putting down my defenses and then being hurt. I had been through so much in life that I wasn’t allowing myself to truly trust life and take in all the goodness it was giving to me.

But I had to. So I did.

For small periods of time, I would envision myself living a healthy life where I was fully happy. I swear I only did it for like 30 seconds at a time, twice a week. But those brief “reflection” periods allowed me to pause and realize what a beautiful life I was living. I also incorporated gratitude into my life, and slowly, my fear began melting away. I was able to love people more, I was able to receive more love. I found myself “getting lucky” at times. And life really is beautiful.

And then it hit me. Sadness, doubt, and anger are like “blockages” in the energy of life. They block the automatic flow of goodness from reaching you. Once you dissolve those negative emotions, automatically, our natural state of being, peace, calm, happiness, returns, and life is allowed to continue being beautiful again.

I am still on my journey, and I am living and loving every second of it. Thank you, Universe.